


call me maybe

by softgunch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, M/M, Multi, akaashi is a witch and oikawa has a scottish fold named beezbo, hes ugly and mean and oikawa would die for him, ok it's not an alternate universe but it is post canon, plot? in MY chatfic? it's more likely than you think, tags will be adjusted as ships and characters become relevant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-11-14 22:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11217225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softgunch/pseuds/softgunch
Summary: [13:22] Oikawa: wtf did u just send me mattsun[13:22] sunny d: the facebook thing?[13:22] sunny d: it’s an invite to the party hanamaki and i are having this weekend[13:23] Oikawa: it says its a funeral[13:23] blacklisted: ACTUALLY it says its a FUNeral fyi[13:23] blacklisted: bcuz u killed kuroo fukcin dead[13:24] blacklisted: [image][13:24] Oikawa: what is wrong with u





	1. this kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're having trouble keeping names straight, maybe [this chart](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/12tPgPqv3HndaHwtiss0SLSQZWbPwBC-GSR8WSgs7Uv0/edit?usp=sharing) will help?  
> Titles go to the highly esteemed Carly Rae Jepsen.

_Friday_

 

[3:32] **Noctis:** LMAO WE HAVE A PROBLEM  
[3:32] **Noctis:** [image]  
  
[3:35] **Kenma:** Akaashi is on his way.

* * *

  
[3:37] **ignore:** heeeey  
[3:37] **ignore:** i know ur probs asleep rn  
[3:37] **ignore:** which fair i get it  
[3:38] **ignore:** but i need a tiny favor  
[3:38] **ignore:** and i also just want to remind u that i literally risked my LIFE for u and killed that massive spider that was in ur shower last week which was so kind and brave of me to do for u  
[3:38] **ignore:** just saying of course  
[3:38] **ignore:** anyways im at the hospital and i dont have any shoes so i need u to come pick me up xxxxxxxxx  
[3:43] **ignore:** iwa-chan  
[3:44] **ignore:** wake up holy shit  
[3:50] **ignore:** asdfghjshd HELLO  
[3:52] **ignore:** turn! on! ur ringer!!  
[3:56] **ignore:** iwa-chan i am growing old and wrinkled waiting for my prince charming how could u do this to me  ><  
[4:02] **ignore:** nevermind!! we figured it out! get ur beauty sleep u absolute troglodyte ꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡  
  
[6:35] **Iwaizumi:** What the fuck  
[6:35] **Iwaizumi:** Phone me

* * *

  
[6:41] **Iwaizumi:** Kuroo what the hell happened last night  
[6:41] **Iwaizumi:** Oikawa isnt answering me  
[6:52] **Iwaizumi:** And I guess you arent either  
[6:52] **Iwaizumi:** Typical

* * *

  
[6:53] **Iwaizumi:** Have any of you heard from Crappykawa  
  
[6:54] **Thing 1:** AGSGSHSBSJNSM  
[6:54] **Thing 1:** ITS NOT EBEN 7 why would yuo do this to me  
[6:54] **Thing 1:** im slepp goodbye  
  
[6:56] **Thing 2:** he sent me a snapchat of kuroo that said "when bae fux 2 hard" with half a dozen kissing emojis at like  
[6:56] **Thing 2:** 3am nothing since  
[6:56] **Thing 2:** kuroo looked like he got hit by a fucking bus though so i'm guessing theyre dealing with that lmaoooo  
  
[7:02] **Thing 1:** why ddnt i get the snap asdfgshhsh what the FUCK  
  
[7:03] **Thing 2:** bruh i thought you said you're going to sleep  
  
[7:03] **Thing 1:** im dying squirtle  
  
[7:05] **Schnuckel:** It's past midnight on my end.  
[7:05] **Schnuckel:** I've got class tomorrow, you guys are getting muted.  
[7:05] **Schnuckel:** (And I got the snap too.)  
  
[7:06] **Thing 1:** :(((((

* * *

  
[8:13] **ignore:** iwa-chaaan u couldn't have just let me sleep another hour??  
  
[8:13] **Iwaizumi:** This is all on you  
[8:13] **Iwaizumi:** Answer your phone next time and there wont be a problem  
  
[8:14] **ignore:** u woke up half the building banging on the door  
[8:14] **ignore:** it was like an earthquake  
[8:14] **ignore:** the neighbours are going to band together to evict me for endangering the structural integrity of the building  
[8:15] **ignore:** im going to be homeless and destitute and it will be all ur fault iwaizumi  
  
[8:15] **Iwaizumi:** If youre done whining you should probably get moving  
[8:15] **Iwaizumi:** Its Friday  
  
[8:16] **ignore:** f u c k

* * *

  
**rebranding @oikso**  
survived the witch even w a broken nose thats #commitment #grindneverstops  
  
**sick flow @kurohoho**  
@oikso have you seen this??? amazing <https://youtu.be/5OQ0MOBqdGQ>

**rebranding @oikso**  
@kurohoho can u pls take this seriously

* * *

  
[11:26] **Oikawa:** she made me meet w her during office hours just to tell me "tardiness is indicative of a lack of respect oikawa"  
[11:26] **Oikawa:** like yes because i hate u  
[11:26] **Oikawa:** who does she think she IS  
[11:37] **Oikawa:** why does no one answer their texts anymore  
  
[11:58] **side hoe:** I told you to just drop the class  
  
[11:59] **Oikawa:** and i told u that im not a fucking quitter  
[11:59] **Oikawa:** why tf did it take u half an hour to answer my text  
[11:59] **Oikawa:** im in a time of need  
  
[12:00] **side hoe:** Im at kenmas still until further notice  
[12:00] **side hoe:** akaashi got fucking baked and was making some kind of prosperity sigil thing for a girl in his statistics class  
[12:00] **side hoe:** he said I couldnt text you back because your vibes are  
[12:00] **side hoe:** and I quote  
[12:01] **side hoe:** "rancid"  
[12:01] **side hoe:** so he made bo take away my phone  
  
[12:02] **Oikawa:** omf  
[12:02] **Oikawa:** im seriously blocking all 3 of u  
[12:02] **Oikawa:** and kenma too for allowing this to happen under his roof  
[12:02] **Oikawa:** i hate this fucking family  
[12:03] **Oikawa:** also did i have my shoes in the cab

[12:03] **Oikawa:** theyre still missing and im freaking out

* * *

  
[13:06] **Oikawa:** so kuroo is officially out of commission for 2 months this is a disaster  
[13:06] **Oikawa:** we have a tournament literally next week  
  
[13:06] **blacklisted:** AAAAAAAA BABE i heardu DIED  
[13:06] **blacklisted:** not that i wuold know bcuz apparently u snapchat evrryone but me  
[13:06] **blacklisted:** ???  
  
[13:07] **sunny d:** true  
  
[13:07] **Oikawa:** ur snapchat name is still daddy swag  
[13:07] **Oikawa:** u arent getting anything until that changes  
  
[13:08] **padawan:** Actually, I kind of agree with Oikawa.  
[13:08] **padawan:** It's bad.  
  
[13:09] **blacklisted:** yahabs why r u DOING this to me 2day  
[13:09] **blacklisted:** go back to bed  
  
[13:10] **padawan:** It's just past 6 here. I'm getting ready for class.  
  
[13:10] **Oikawa:** wow yahaba thats the most disgusting thing uve ever said congrats  
[13:11] **Oikawa:** morning people are the worst kind of scum  
  
[13:12] **padawan:** Maybe if you were more of a morning person Iwaizumi wouldn't have to come across the city to wake you up before noon.  
  
[13:12] **Oikawa:** HOW DO U EVEN KNOW ABT THAT U ARENT EVEN IN THE SAME COUNTRY  
  
[13:12] **padawan:** Which makes it all the more irritating when Kyoutani is sending me angry messages about how loud and annoying you two are being when it's 2am on my end. :/  
  
[13:12] **sunny d:** lmao holy shit  
[13:12] **sunny d:** oikawa you're an actual child do you need your mom to come tuck you in at night and wake you up in the mornings  
  
_You removed sunny d from the conversation_  
  
_padawan added sunny d_  
  
[13:13] **Oikawa:** anyways i did have news if u guys would stop distracting me  
  
[13:14] **blacklisted:** catch u puttuing this on us like u arent lookking for any reason to talk for fcjsking ever  
  
[13:14] **Oikawa:** holy shit can u guys shut up for more than 5 seconds this is impossible  
[13:15] **Oikawa:** what im trying to say is kuroo broke his leg  
  
[13:15] **padawan:** Oh my god? Is he okay?  
  
[13:15] **Oikawa:** i tried out that new moisturizer last night and he was so stunned by my beauty that he fell into our pantry  
[13:15] **Oikawa:** tragic but inevitable  
  
[13:16] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** Thats not the explanation you gave me this morning  
  
[13:16] **Oikawa:** iwa-chan ur destroying my narrative  
  
[13:17] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** They were making out in the kitchen and tripped over Beezbo into the pantry    
[3:17] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** Knocked a shelf down onto themselves  
[13:17] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** Crappykawa broke his nose and they both have black eyes  
  
[13:17] **Oikawa:** why do u hate me???  
  
[13:18] **old yeller:** Your cat.  
[13:18] **old yeller:** Broke.  
[13:18] **old yeller:** Our blocker.  
  
[13:18] **sunny d:** wow kyoutani is actually responding  
[13:19] **sunny d:** nice fuck up oikawa  
[13:19] **sunny d:** WAIT i haven't gotten any selfies today because your face is all messed up  
[13:19] **sunny d:** maybe i'll actually be able to see someone else on my insta feed for once  
[13:19] **sunny d:** amazing  
  
[13:20] **blacklisted:** WE ALL KNWO WHY I HAVENT GOTTEN ANY SELFIES TODAYT  >:(  
  
[13:20] **sweaty feet:** Doesn't kuroo have ... a lot? Of boyfriends  
[13:20] **sweaty feet:** Why were you guys making out  
  
[13:21] **Oikawa:** i dont have to explain myself  
  
[13:21] **sunny d:** his boyfriends said it was ok if he made out with oikawa when he was sad and they weren’t there  
[13:21] **sunny d:** it’s all very laissez faire  
  
[13:22] **blacklisted:** and hes sad ALOT when his boyfs are gone  
  
[13:22] **Oikawa:** i dont know why i tell u guys anything  
[13:22] **Oikawa:** wtf did u just send me mattsun  
  
[13:22] **sunny d:** the facebook thing?  
[13:22] **sunny d:** it’s an invite to the party hanamaki and i are having this weekend  
  
[13:23] **Oikawa:** it says its a funeral  
  
[13:23] **blacklisted:** ACTUALLY it says its a FUNeral fyi  
[13:23] **blacklisted:** bcuz u killed kuroo fukcin dead  
[13:24] **blacklisted:** [ [ image ](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/DF6iVTBvgu0/maxresdefault.jpg)]  
  
[13:24] **Oikawa:** what is wrong with u  
  
[13:24] **sunny d:** of course he’s invited too  
  
[13:24] **blacklisted:** GUEST OF HONOUR  
[13:24] **blacklisted:** cant party w/o the deceased  
  
[13:25] **Oikawa:** i come here distraught and u guys plan a party???  
  
[13:25] **sunny d:** yeah and it’s tomorrow so you might want to invest in some concealer so you look a little less like you’re the corpse  
[13:25] **sunny d:** see you there  <3  
  
[13:26] **Oikawa:** why do i fucking bother  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a friend look this over for me (I love you sophi) but all mistakes are my own. Just let me know if you see anything funky!
> 
> A few notes:  
> \- I don't know if it'll ever be mentioned in fic but Oikawa's contact name for Kindaichi is sweaty feet because he once told Oikawa that he sleeps with his socks on and Oikawa had a meltdown. He just can't wrap his head around it.  
> \- Kuroo and Oikawa are roommates and are not romantically or even sexually involved. My Oikawa is ace- they're just buds who make out sometimes. It's all gucci.  
> \- Yahaba is studying in Munich. Iwaizumi's contact name for him is just a gooshy pet name he got off of google. It is, from my understanding, equivalent to sweetie or honeybuns, etc. (German is my second language and since I live in an English speaking country the cultural slang isn't my strong suit) Also, dict.cc says it means twink. Iwaizumi doesn't know that, and I definitely didn't when I first wrote this chapter.  
> \- Kuroo's entire twitter reads like a spam bot tweeting links at people.  
> \- [beezbo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHsSoQvUUtg)
> 
> Next chapter: Kuroo uses his new cast to inflict blunt trauma.
> 
> If you have any questions about the fic or you just want to chat about volleyboys you can catch me on tumblr @henrycheng or twitter @softgunch
> 
> Comments are appreciated!


	2. i didn't just come here to dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [23:35] brofiteroles: AAAAA  
> [23:35] brofiteroles: WHAT HTR FU K  
> [23:35] brofiteroles: its only ben like 2 hours howq tf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this mostly on a boat in the middle of a massive lake with the song "booze cruise" blaring in the background
> 
> title once again goes to love of my life carly rae jepsen
> 
> (also i updated the [contact list](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/12tPgPqv3HndaHwtiss0SLSQZWbPwBC-GSR8WSgs7Uv0/edit?usp=sharing) from chap 1 fyi)

_Friday_

  
[21:23] **Thing 2:** can you and oikawa grab mixers on your way over tomorrow  
[21:23] **Thing 2:** whatever works but hanamaki will cry if he drinks rum straight  
  
[21:24] **Iwaizumi:** Dude I don't think Oikawa wants to go  
[21:24] **Iwaizumi:** His face is actually kinda messed and you know how he gets  
  
[21:25] **Thing 2:** lmfao what i DO know is that oikawa uses a literal magic 8 ball to make important decisions  
[21:25] **Thing 2:** so sorry for thinking he might be easily swayed  
[21:25] **Thing 2:** if you tell him you want to go he'll be there  
[21:26] **Thing 2:** whining sure but you know he has fun once he's actually out  
  
[21:27] **Iwaizumi:** Im not going to promise anything  
  
[21:27] **Thing 2:** yeah whatever don't be late  
[21:28] **Thing 2:** if you don't have the mixers you aren't getting through the door

* * *

  
[21:43] **Iwaizumi:** Do you need me to bring by more ibuprofen tomorrow  
  
[21:44] **ignore:** (❀˙˘˙)♡(˙˘˙❀)  
[21:44] **ignore:** ur worried iwa-chan thats so sweet  
[21:44] **ignore:** this isnt my first rodeo. im perfectly capable of taking a couple of painkillers  
[21:45] **ignore:** and since this was all kuroos fault he can foot the bill  
[21:45] **ignore:** he had a bunch of advil in the vanity but its mine now  
  
[22:46] **Iwaizumi:** Why are you so shitty  
[22:46] **Iwaizumi:** It was your cat and your mouth  
  
[22:46] **ignore:** well i mean it was his mouth too and he feeds beezbo when im not home so  
[22:47] **ignore:** look it doesnt matter hes going to be at kenmas place for the next forever  
[22:47] **ignore:** being cared for by 3 gorgeous guys  
[22:47] **ignore:** meanwhile u just wanna chance to throw a pill bottle at my head  
[22:47] **ignore:** u know if u scowl too much ur face is gonna get stuck like that :(  
  
[22:48] **Iwaizumi:** Those 3 gorgeous guys are waiting on Kuroo because you literally broke their boyfriend  
[22:48] **Iwaizumi:** Bokuto sent me a pic of the cast. It's pretty intense  
  
[22:48] **ignore:** did they draw a dick on it  
  
[22:49] **Iwaizumi:** Yeah  
  
[22:49] **ignore:** nice  
[22:49] **ignore:** dont think im not torn up about this though  
[22:50] **ignore:** its a modern tragedy  
  
[22:50] **Iwaizumi:** Youre just upset because now you guys are missing a middle blocker  
  
[22:50] **ignore:** hdu  
  
[22:51] **Iwaizumi:** The rest of the starting lineup is excellent and you have strong reserves  
[22:51] **Iwaizumi:** Itll be fine  
[22:51] **Iwaizumi:** I mean my team is still going to beat you guys but youll at least put up a fight  
  
[22:52] **ignore:** :/  
[22:52] **ignore:** ://///  
  
[22:52] **Iwaizumi:** Before I forget  
[22:53] **Iwaizumi:** Matsukawa wants us to bring mixers to the party tomorrow  
[22:53] **Iwaizumi:** I figured we could meet up a little earlier and go grab supper before we pick them up  
[22:53] **Iwaizumi:** Unless youre still not coming  
  
[22:54] **ignore:** did u tell mattsun im coming  
  
[22:54] **Iwaizumi:** No  
[22:54] **Iwaizumi:** I think you should though  
  
[22:55] **ignore:** why  
  
[22:55] **Iwaizumi:** Because youd enjoy yourself  
[22:55] **Iwaizumi:** Whens the last time you hung out with someone other than me  
  
[23:07] **ignore:** we took mad dog-chan out for korean bbq last saturday  
[23:07] **ignore:** wait no i mean the saturday before that  
[23:08] **ignore:** thats only like 2 weeks  
  
[23:08] **Iwaizumi:** You invited him out because you wanted to grill him about practice and then you made us get our food to go so you could go home and study  
  
[23:09] **ignore:** i had an exam on monday  
[23:09] **ignore:** thats not unreasonable  
  
[23:09] **Iwaizumi:** :/  
[23:09] **Iwaizumi:** ://///  
  
[23:10] **ignore:** i cant believe u are using my own smilies against me  
**  
** [23:10] **Iwaizumi:** Im not going to make you do anything you dont want to do Oikawa  
[23:10] **Iwaizumi:** Ill be heading to their apartment for nineish  
[23:11] **Iwaizumi:** If you text me at 10 saying you want me to come pick you up I will strangle you  
  
[23:11] **ignore:** mean iwa-chan  
[23:56] **ignore:** okay fine  
[23:56] **ignore:** if u guys r gonna miss me so much i guess ill come  
[23:56] **ignore:** turn it into a real party  
[23:57] **ignore:** tell mattsun that if i am the guest of honour i better be getting a gift  
[23:57] **ignore:** several gifts  
[23:57] **ignore:** theres 2 of them i need at least 1 each  
  
[23:58] **Iwaizumi:** Go to sleep  
  
[23:59] **ignore:** (♡-_-♡) 

* * *

 

 _Saturday_  
  
[9:06] **Oikawa:** good morning my beloved  
[9:06] **Oikawa:** my heart my dear  
[9:06] **Oikawa:** the jack to my kate  
  
[9:07] **side hoe:** who  
  
[9:07] **Oikawa:** from the titanic?? jack and kate??? love story of our millenia  
  
[9:07] **side hoe:** her name was rose  
[9:08] **side hoe:** and she kinda let jack die  
  
[9:08] **Oikawa:** wtf???  
[9:08] **Oikawa:** why are they iconic then  
  
[9:08] **side hoe:** have you even watched the movie  
  
[9:09] **Oikawa:** no tf  
  
[9:09] **side hoe** : actually this is a good metaphor  
[9:09] **side hoe:** because you were kinda responsible for my death  
[9:09] **side hoe:** ur shitty face pushed me straight into my coffin  
  
[9:10] **Oikawa:** um excuse me  
[9:10] **Oikawa:** i am willing to take exactly 40% of the blame no more than that  
  
[9:11] **side hoe:** well Im definitely not 60  
  
[9:11] **Oikawa:** beezbo is gonna have to take one for the team and settle w 20  
  
[9:11] **side hoe:** hes your cat  
  
[9:12] **Oikawa:** i heard u call him ur son like 2 days ago soooooo  
  
[9:12] **side hoe:** he is a true prince  
[9:12] **side hoe:** wait a second  
[9:12] **side hoe:** its like 9 oclock  
  
[9:13] **Oikawa:** i mean its 9:13  
  
[9:13] **side hoe:** dont be petty  
[9:13] **side hoe:** why are you awake  
[9:13] **side hoe:** Ive literally never seen you up before 10 unless you absolutely had to be  
  
[9:14] **Oikawa:** liar  
  
[9:14] **side hoe:** I heard iwaizumi had to come basically break down our door yesterday to get you up  
  
[9:15] **Oikawa:** wtf  
[9:15] **Oikawa:** how does literally everyone know abt that  
[9:15] **Oikawa:** why are all my friends gossiping old ladies  
  
[9:15] **side hoe:** if we didnt gossip about you you would literally shrivel up and die from lack of attention  
  
[9:16] **Oikawa:** staying w ur boyfs always makes u so mean to me（;≧皿≦）  
  
[9:17] **side hoe:** (๑ ऀืົཽ₍₍ළ₎₎ ऀืົཽ)✧  
  
[9:17] **Oikawa:** never send that to me ever again is2g  
  
[9:17] **side hoe:** so tough to please  
  
[9:18] **Oikawa:** look did mattsun send u an invite to that thing or what  
  
[9:18] **side hoe:** matsukawa didnt send me anything  
[9:18] **side hoe:** hanamaki however  
  
[9:19] **Oikawa:** jfc shut up im trying to hold an actual conversation here  
[9:19] **Oikawa:** r u going  
  
[9:19] **side hoe:** of course Im fucking going Im bringing the whole crew  
[9:20] **side hoe:** no booze because of the pain meds but I can party under any conditions  
[9:20] **side hoe:** bo is STOKED  
  
[9:20] **Oikawa:** noooo why do u enable this  
[9:20] **Oikawa:** last time he partied w us he tried to bodyslam iwa-chan into the sofa and fckn broke it  
[9:21] **Oikawa:** which was kinda hot tbh but having a lopsided couch is the literal worst  
  
[9:21] **side hoe:** he said hed be on his best behavior  
[9:21] **side hoe:** sides akaashi and kenma are going to be there so how wild can it get

* * *

  
[23:33] **Matsukawa:** where the fuck did you go  
  
[23:34] **brofiteroles:** lmfga oiks has me cornered  
[23:34] **brofiteroles:** wont fckinh shut UP itsvv just ditlov pass this radiation that like christ i dont even know what a fxkn chemtrail looks like i dont know  
[23:34] **brofiteroles:** can u see chemtraisls r they visiable  
  
[23:35] **Matsukawa:** bokuto barfed in our room im losing my shit  
  
[23:35] **brofiteroles:** AAAAA  
[23:35] **brofiteroles:** WHAT HTR FU K  
[23:35] **brofiteroles:** its only ben like 2 hours howq tf  
[23:35] **brofiteroles:** i hate this man  
  
[23:36] **Matsukawa:** i told you to clean out the leftovers from the fridge and you IGNORED me  
[23:36] **Matsukawa:** he ate them all  
[23:36] **Matsukawa:** what a champ  
[23:36] **Matsukawa:** i need my slightly more sober better half to come help me deal with this  
  
[23:37] **brofiteroles:** oiakwa has me in a strangle hold d wheres akkaajanshi  
  
[23:37] **Matsukawa:** ok there is no way you could have possibly done that unintentionally  
[23:37] **Matsukawa:** theres 4 extra letters there  
  
[23:37] **brofiteroles:** my thsumbs move fast????? fucj u??  
  
[23:38] **Matsukawa:** akaashis gone missing no one can find him  
  
[23:38] **brofiteroles:** wtf  
[23:38] **brofiteroles:** kk jyst gimme a minute to pawn spacee boi off and ill be therew babe  
  
[23:39] **Matsukawa:** <3 hurry im dying

* * *

 

[23:58] **Akaashi:** kenma asdfghjk help me

  
[23:58] **Kenma:** Keiji?? Where are you?  
  
[23:58] **Akaashi:** ???  
[23:59] **Akaashi:** OH WAIT no this is tetsurou I have keijis phone  
[23:59] **Akaashi:** I thought he was with you??  
  
[23:59] **Kenma:** I havent seen him since we got here.  
[23:59] **Kenma:** Koutarou threw up.  
[00:00] **Kenma:** I told Matsukawa that its not my problem.  
  
[00:01] **Akaashi:** GOOD I need you to come help me  
[00:01] **Akaashi:** I was tryna hit that dickhead with the piercings with my cast  
[00:01] **Akaashi:** but i missed and took out the fucking entertainment system  
[00:02] **Akaashi:** I CANT PICK IT ALL UP Im still on crutches  
  
[00:02] **Kenma:** I honestly dont know why we came.

* * *

  
[00:04] **brofiteroles:** LMAO KKARASUNO HELL DUO JUST ROLLESD IN  
  
[00:04] **Matsukawa:** of fucking course 

* * *

  
[00:06] **Nishanoya:** tanaka and i just pulled up its banging  
[00:06] **Nishiioya:** i cant believe u wouldnt come its so sad  
[00:06] **Nishinoya:** ur so good at beer pong!!! so good  
  
[00:07] **ICE:** You don't even go to their university  
  
[00:07] **Nishinoya:** yeah but tanaka does so im his plus one and u can be my plus one  
[00:07] **Nishinoya:** and then u could plus one suga and he could bring daichi if we wanna keep the chain going  
  
[00:08] **ICE:** I can't imagine that apartment is very big  
  
[00:08] **Nishinoya:** its ok!! well get u here someday. have fun watching how its made reruns or whatever  
  
[00:08] **ICE:** Hey  
[00:10] **ICE:** It's a good show 

* * *

  
_Missed call... space coyboy_ _  
_  
"Ma- Fuck off, I'm on the phone- Makki, I was trying to tell you, there were lights! Above the thing, the other hikers said, that's why I figure that the orange skin- _No!_ Stop grabbing, I'm trying to-"  
  
_End of message_ _  
_

* * *

 

[01:15] **Oikawa:** iwachan  
[01:15] **Oikawa:** iwacham  
[01:15] **Oikawa:** i need u to come back immediately  
[01:15] **Oikawa:** karawuno?  
[01:15] **Oikawa:** tanaka brought the guy w the hair the libero  
[01:16] **Oikawa:** and kuroo and i were talking and he came over  
[01:16] **Oikawa:** asfgags im so fck n mad  
[01:16] **Oikawa:** kuroo wanted to show kemma pics of beezbo but he lost his  
[01:17] **Oikawa:** phone  
[01:17] **Oikawa:** so i pulled out my beezbo folder ofc cuz im not gonna miss that chansce  
[01:17] **Oikawa:** and mr im the best libero in tbis universe snuck up behind to peek  
[01:18] **Oikawa:** AND HE SAID HE WAS UGLY  
[01:18] **Oikawa:** like the beautiful perfect beezbo that i own  
[01:18] **Oikawa:** kuroo hit im w his cast and knocked him over onto me and i fell into the table and now my nos e is bleeding again  
[01:18] **Oikawa:** i miss u :((((  
  
[01:19] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** I literally just left to take a piss

* * *

 

 

[01:37] **space coyboy:** Hey Matsukawa its Iwaizumi  
[01:37] **space coyboy:** Looks like youve got your hands full and Oikawa wont fucking stop trying to phone you so were gonna get out of your hair  
[01:38] **space coyboy:** You guys have a nice night  
[01:38] **space coyboy:** Btw Terushima is passed out in your tub  
[01:38] **space coyboy:** I threw a blanket on him  
[01:38] **space coyboy:** Thanks again 

* * *

 

[01:40] **brofiteroles:** oiksy and iwa ran odff  
[01:40] **brofiteroles:** WE R MISPLACINHG GUESTS AT A CRITICAL RATE  
  
[01:41] **Matsukawa:** thank god tbh

* * *

 

 _Missed call... space coyboy_ _  
_  
"I- we went to the 24 hour McDonalds to get the, you know, the pikachu McFlurries? In the... the little cups. They're so cute. Iwa-chan dropped his so he's going back to get a new one so I was wondering if- like, look we talked about spontaneous combustion right, but like. Why does it only happen to old people? Why has a baby never combusted? They're all a billion years old, it's, I think that maybe your cells- Iwa-chan! Come here. Yours looks better than mine, let me try-"  
  
_End of message_ _  
_

* * *

 

_Sunday_

  
[9:08] **Matsukawa:** look who i found on the roof  
[9:08] **Matsukawa:** [image]  
  
[9:09] **brofiteroles:** AAKAKASHI MY BOI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some notes:  
> \- oikawa was talking about the dyatlov pass incident. makki just doesn't know wtf hes saying much less how to spell it. look it up if ur into cool unsolved cases  
> \- noya's contact name for asahi is ICE as in "in case of emergency" because he believes in UTILITY. i dunno if that's a thing everywhere but it is where i live  
> -[space coyboy](http://68.media.tumblr.com/4240a7905c85d45d7341e20f60ce71a7/tumblr_odgfd7iXYK1ri9hnio1_1280.jpg)  
> \- akaashi went up for a breather but didn't know the door was sticky and got stuck, so he lives there as the roof monster now. HIS BOYFS DIDNT LEAVE HIM they stayed over at the apartment thinking he must just be passed out somewhere  
> \- beezbo the cat IS really ugly
> 
> Next Chapter: Iwaizumi has the terrible realization that he experiences human E•MO•TION
> 
> btw sorry for the wait on this chapter. there were 3 different hospitalizations and my grandma passed away suddenly, and then we left to go sit on a lake for two weeks??? it's REAL hot here
> 
> as always u can find (and talk to!) me @softgunch on twitter and @henrycheng on tumblr. maybe one of u guys can explain to me how tf to get the links in my author notes to work properly. let me know what u think of the fic so far!


	3. E•MO•TION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [13:30] Matsukawa: fuck takahiro wake up  
> [13:30] Matsukawa: this is a code red iwaizumi basically just asked me wtf love is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me looking back on chapter 2: yes... matsukawa forgot all his apostrophes because he was drunk... 100% intentional...
> 
> anyways i had most of this written like the day after i posted the last chap, but I was stuck in the woods for a REAL long time. i wrote some of this while driving through mountains that were literally on fire! isn't that exciting??
> 
> i've kept updating the [contact list](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/12tPgPqv3HndaHwtiss0SLSQZWbPwBC-GSR8WSgs7Uv0/edit?usp=sharing) from the first chapter, and still can't get the authors note links to work. i'm consistent like that
> 
> (and as a reminder, the links in this story maintext are important to what's going on! please click them or things won't make sense)

_Sunday_ __  
__  
_Missed call from... Koutarou_ __  
  
[12:06] **Koutarou:** bb pls pick up  
[12:06] **Koutarou:** u know i hate txtn  
  
_Missed call from... Koutarou_  
Missed call from... Koutarou  
  
[12:10] **Koutarou:** we r all so srry i promise we ddnt 4get u  
[12:11] **Koutarou:** i thot u were the 1 asleep in the bathtub  
[12:11] **Koutarou:** snoozin  
  
[12:12] **Akaashi:** I am your boyfriend.  
[12:12] **Akaashi:** Terushima Yuuji is not your boyfriend.  
  
[12:12] **Koutarou:** he was under a blanket  
[12:13] **Koutarou:** kuroo made soup u should come have sum  
  
[12:14] **Akaashi:** I'm at Ueno right now. Just put some in the fridge.  
  
[12:14] **Koutarou:** ok  
[12:15] **Koutarou:** babe i kno ur mad but can i pls call u  
[12:15] **Koutarou:** just wanna hear ur voice  
  
[12:16] **Akaashi:** Ok.

* * *

  
[12:47] **Iwaizumi:** Hey Matsukawa are you free  
  
[12:52] **Thing 2:** that's probably the most ominous message you've ever sent me  
[12:52] **Thing 2:** what's up  
[12:52] **Thing 2:** did someone die  
  
[12:52] **Iwaizumi:** No everythings fine  
[12:53] **Iwaizumi:** I just  
[12:53] **Iwaizumi:** I ended up crashing at Oikawas on his couch last night  
[12:53] **Iwaizumi:** And I woke up first so I put on some coffee  
[12:54] **Iwaizumi:** Which is honestly pretty standard  
[12:54] **Iwaizumi:** Ive done it a billion times before  
[12:54] **Iwaizumi:** So I was just standing there when he came out into the kitchen and there wasn't even anything different but it was just like  
[12:54] **Iwaizumi:** Oh. Ok  
  
[12:55] **Thing 2:** oh?  
  
[12:55] **Iwaizumi:** Yeah. Oh  
  
[12:56] **Thing 2:** i honestly have no idea what the fuck that means  
  
[12:56] **Iwaizumi:** When did you realize you were in love with Hanamaki  
  
[12:56] **Thing 2:** OH  
  
_Incoming call... Thing 2_

* * *

  
  
[13:30] **Matsukawa:** fuck takahiro wake up  
[13:30] **Matsukawa:** this is a code red iwaizumi basically just asked me wtf love is  
  
[13:36] **brofiteroles:** ????¿¿¿¿?  
[13:36] **brofiteroles:** lmao is he triyna seduce u  
[13:36] **brofiteroles:** i cangt believe actual real life iwaizumli hajime is in love w myi boyf  
[13:37] **brofiteroles:** kinda jealous ngl  
  
[13:37] **Matsukawa:** NO it's about oikawa  
  
[13:37] **brofiteroles:** asgdhdjkdkwkh  
[13:38] **brofiteroles:** WHY  
[13:38] **brofiteroles:** im fcknd choking  
  
[13:38] **Matsukawa:** i don't know oikawa made iwaizumi drop his mcflurry all over himself last night and it was super romantic or something  
[13:38] **Matsukawa:** i was too busy wondering if i was literally hallucinating to pay attention  
[13:39] **Matsukawa:** oikawa is gonna be so insufferable  
  
[13:39] **brofiteroles:** he told oiksi????  
  
[13:40] **Matsukawa:** uh  
[13:40] **Matsukawa:** one sec i gotta check  
[13:47] **Matsukawa:** ok i forgot that all of our friends are ridiculous  
  
[13:47] **brofiteroles:** lmffoa im going to go habe a shower

* * *

  
  
**sick flow @kurohoho**  
@oikso ACTUAL FOOTAGE. Technology is amazing  
<https://youtu.be/KIF_LnEST7o>  
  
**rebranding @oikso**  
@kurohoho reported  
  
**sick flow @kurohoho**  
@oikso WTF WHY  
  
**sick flow @kurohoho**  
@oikso :(  
  
**Akaashi Keiji @akaashk**  
@oikso @kurohoho  
<https://youtu.be/U9M8ng9zRgc>

* * *

  
  
[14:05] **Noctis:** [I[mage](https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t31.0-8/q83/p720x720/20368888_1894838650790939_5497075353316578215_o.jpg?oh=8020ad9829107fcbe00aa368052cf9c7&oe=5A306091)]  
  
[14:06] **Kenma:** again those are choice dogs but can you please tell me who the fuck you are  
[14:06] **Kenma:** I need my phone back I have a life to live  
[14:06] **Kenma:** places to be  
[14:07] **Kenma:** people to TEXT  
  
[14:10] **Noctis:** [I[mage](https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/20620853_1898638930410911_6512287803833767638_n.jpg?oh=8bed43b9435d05e06e1e6f6e82427c72&oe=59F4EF2A)]  
  
[14:11] **Kenma:** ok that one is actually pretty cute

* * *

  
  
[14:56] **Oikawa:** are u still good for tonight  
[14:56] **Oikawa:** i ended up finishing my review early so im headed in in like an hour  
[14:56] **Oikawa:** first tourney is literally next weekend so i figure i might as well get in as much practice as possible  
  
[15:01] **old yeller:** I told you Id be there at 6.  
[15:01] **old yeller:** So thats when Ill be there.  
  
[15:02] **Oikawa:** ok!! just figured id check (* >_<*)ﾉ no need to be so sour  
[15:02] **Oikawa:** see u then

* * *

  
  
[15:33] **flan??:** hey its kuroo my phones still missing  
[15:33] **flan??:** I think someone is fucking with me my number keeps sending pics of dogs on campus  
[15:33] **flan??:** whatever  
[15:34] **flan??:** my boys are shipping me back to you tonight  
[15:35] **flan??:** I didnt bring my keys with me so you gotta let me in  <3  
  
[15:36] **Oikawa:** i wont be home but ill stick a key on top of the door frame  
  
[15:36] **flan??:** thats not secure at all  
  
[15:37] **Oikawa:** beggers cant be choosers  
  
[15:37] **flan??:** where are you gonna be  
  
[15:38] **Oikawa:** since practice was cancelled this weekend mad dog-chan said hed go practice a little bit w me  
[15:38] **Oikawa:** gotta make sure we're on fire for next weekend!! i shouldnt be out too late  
  
[15:39] **flan??:** mmmkay you should bring pizza back with you  
  
[15:40] **Oikawa:** bad for ur health!!!  
  
[15:40] **flan??:** youre bad for my health  
[15:40] **flan??:** OOOOOOOOOOH

* * *

  
  
_Monday_  
  
[11:23] **Iwaizumi:** Kunimi and Kindaichi are coming in to watch you and Kyoutani play this weekend  
[11:23] **Iwaizumi:** Do you and Kuroo have room for them to stay at your place or do we have to dump them on the street  
  
[11:31] **ignore:** iwa-chaaan wth  
[11:32] **ignore:** make them stay with u my home is a temple that must remain unsullied by weird high schooler angst  
  
[11:33] **Iwaizumi:** a) I live in a studio apartment where am I supposed to put them  
[11:33] **Iwaizumi:** b) They are coming to see YOU because they look up to you for whatever reason  
[11:33] **Iwaizumi:** c) You are infinitely more dramatic than any high schooler so your "temple" is already a write off  
  
[11:34] **ignore:** im not dramatic  
[11:34] **ignore:** i approach life with passion and intensity  
[11:35] **ignore:** its different  
  
[11:35] **Iwaizumi:** You ignored Hanamaki for an entire week because he said Grease was a bad movie literally last month  
  
[11:36] **ignore:** well yeah he was wrong  
  
[11:36] **Iwaizumi:** I dont think it deserves to be a classic  
  
[11:36] **ignore:** et tu brute  
  
[11:37] **Iwaizumi:** I still have that air mattress we took to my uncles last year  
[11:37] **Iwaizumi:** I can bring it over for you if you arent going to be terrible about this  
  
[11:46] **ignore:** [[Image](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/3a/42/b1/3a42b15a3654c91b0274d8c44f022627--blue-aesthetic-aesthetic-magic.jpg)]  
  
[11:47] **Iwaizumi:** Oh my god  
[11:47] **Iwaizumi:** How many times did you shake it trying to get that answer  
  
[11:47] **ignore:** irrelevant  
[11:48] **ignore:** the ball has spoken  
[11:48] **ignore:** misfortune befalls those who disrespect the ball  
  
[11:48] **Iwaizumi:** When youre at my funeral  
[11:48] **Iwaizumi:** Standing next to my casket ugly crying  
[11:49] **Iwaizumi:** I give you my permission to say I told you so  
[11:49] **Iwaizumi:** You can yell it as loud as you want  
[11:49] **Iwaizumi:** Not until then  
  
[11:49] **ignore:** (；¬д¬)  
[11:50] **ignore:** fine ill take the mattress  
[11:50] **ignore:** but when u bring it over ur gonna stay and make kuroo and me some dorayaki  
  
[11:51] **Iwaizumi:** How about you stop making demands and since Ill pick up some premade stuff from the grocery store because Im such a considerate person  
[11:51] **Iwaizumi:** And not your personal chef  
  
[11:52] **ignore:** ok grumpy  
[11:52] **ignore:** i suppose thatll do i can COMPROMISE its fine  
[11:52] **ignore:** kuroo brought home like a metric fuckton of soup that he cooked i guess so we can eat that too  
[11:53] **ignore:** see im kind and generous enough to feed u a home cooked meal <333 thats how much i care  
  
[11:53] **Iwaizumi:** Not sure that counts  
[11:54] **Iwaizumi:** The moment you cook a meal on your own is the moment I start believing in aliens  
[11:54] **Iwaizumi:** Cuz they clearly got their hands on you  
  
[11:54] **ignore:** god i fckn wish  


* * *

  
[12:26] **Oikawa:** iwa-chans coming over tonight btw  
  


[12:30] **flan??:** do you want me to like?? leave?  
  
[12:31] **Oikawa:** what? no?  
[12:31] **Oikawa:** hes bringing us dorayaki so ur probs gonna want to be here?  
  
[12:32] **flan??:** did you tell him about the soup  
[12:32] **flan??:** I gotta get rid of the soup man we cant eat all this  
[12:33] **flan??:** tell him to bring a bucket he can take some home  
  
[12:33] **Oikawa:** ok yeah solid not doing that srry  
[12:34] **Oikawa:** why are u so nasty  
  
[12:34] **flan??:** I think kenma said its probably genetic  
[12:35] **flan??:** I cant help it  
  
[12:35] **ignore:** speaking of  
[12:35] **ignore:** howd u get him to let u keep his phone  
  
[12:36] **flan??:** I mean hes got the other two there so in like  
[12:36] **flan??:** terms of pure phone concentration this makes more sense  
[12:37] **flan??:** also I kept complaining that if I wanted to send bo any dick pics this week Id have to borrow your phone lmfao  
  
[12:37] **Oikawa:** eat shit and die tbh  
  
[12:38] **flan??:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  


* * *

  
[22:01] **Noctis:** [[Image](https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/16122630_1883313211902767_6103217874157961216_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=MTQ0MDQyMzc5MTY0NTQ1Mzk3Ng%3D%3D.2)]  
  
  
[22:03] **Kenma:** I am turning off this phone holy shit  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowza iwaizumi you don't do things half-way, do you? yikes
> 
> some notes:  
> \- kuroo was stress cooking. started making apology soup and then just... didn't... stop  
> \- bokuto has some kind of nokia-esque flip phone that takes him forever to type anything ever so mostly he just calls people no matter how inappropriate the timing  
> \- oikawa has watched grease approximately 12 000 times. i have watched grease approximately never  
> \- [dorayaki](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7f/Dorayaki_001.jpg)  
> \- yes he spent nearly 10 minutes shaking his magic 8 ball
> 
> next chapter: oikawa and kuroo adopt what are basically two adults
> 
> hey, if you liked this chapter, or the ones before it, throw me a comment! i'd love to hear your thoughts  
> if you want to talk more in depth abt volleyboys, or just see what kind of weird shit i like to post about i guess, i'm @henrycheng on tumblr and @softgunch on twitter. see you guys soon!


	4. your heart is a muscle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [10:34] (ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ): I had the strangest dream last night  
> [10:44] (ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ): You were in it
> 
> [10:44] Oikawa: :D
> 
> [10:45] (ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ): Except you didnt have any teeth
> 
> [10:45] Oikawa: D:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all might voice: I AM HERE... and have no idea what a consistent update schedule is...
> 
> titles attributed to carly rae jepsen as per usual
> 
> EDIT: i fixed all the links and wonky formatting! we're moving up in the world folks

_Wednesday_  
  
[10:34] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** I had the strangest dream last night  
  
[10:43] **Oikawa:** oooo how raunchy did it get  
[10:43] **Oikawa:** are u uncomfortable w ur inner romantic bleeding thru into ur unconscious thoughts  
[10:44] **Oikawa:** its ok we can work thru this  
  
[10:44] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** You were in it  
  
[10:44] **Oikawa:** :D  
  
[10:45] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** Except you didnt have any teeth  
  
[10:45] **Oikawa:** D:  
[10:45] **Oikawa:** iwa-chan wtf  
  
[10:46] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** I didnt say it was a good dream  
[10:46] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** Anyways I kept making you tempura but obviously you couldnt eat it so we were just standing around with like  
[10:47] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** 30 things of tempura  
[10:47] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** While you tried to gum it  
[10:48] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** Actually now that Im talking about it it was a nightmare  
  
[10:48] **Oikawa:** no stop im gonna barf  
  
[10:48] **(ꐦ ಠ皿ಠ ):** We were in a rush for some reason so we just started shoving it all in this big blender type thing to mash it up  
  
[10:48] **Oikawa:** AAAA NO I SAID STOP  
[10:48] **Oikawa:** I HATE THIS  


* * *

  
[10:49] **Oikawa:** kuroo help me  
[10:50] **Oikawa:** pls respond this is urgent  
[10:53] **Oikawa:** kuroooooooooo  
  
[11:02] **flan??:** I put your kneepads in the wash dude cuz they smelled so fucking gross and you just left them on the coffee table  
[11:02] **flan??:** chill out dude  
  
[11:03] **Oikawa:** what??  
  
[11:03] **flan??:** is that not what this is about  
  
[11:04] **Oikawa:** no but now it sure is!!  
[11:04] **Oikawa:** i told u not to touch them theyre lucky and ull get ur gross loser funk all over them  
[11:04] **Oikawa:** im gonna write out a roommate contract and the first rule is gonna be “dont touch the lucky kneepads dickhead!!!”  
[11:04] **Oikawa:** i cant believe u would violate my trust like this  
  
[11:05] **flan??:** I thought you said this was urgent  
  
[11:05] **Oikawa:** OH YE it is  
[11:06] **Oikawa:** [ [ Image ](http://i.imgur.com/KET3qYr.png)]  
[11:06] **Oikawa:** [ [ Image ](http://i.imgur.com/Cd2iuZu.png)]  
[11:07] **Oikawa:** i need u to ask akaashi what this dream means  
  
[11:07] **flan??:** dude charge your phone?  
[11:07] **flan??:** its not even halfway through the day why is your phone dead  
  
[11:08] **Oikawa:** uhm no its not dead  
[11:08] **Oikawa:** i can make 7% last i dont appreciate u doubting me  
  
[11:08] **flan??:** did you break your charger again  
[11:08] **flan??:** I have one in my room you can use this is pathetic  
  
[11:09] **Oikawa:** MY PHONE IS FINE i need u to get ur boyf to help me  
[11:09] **Oikawa:** what if this means iwa-chan thinks  
[11:09] **Oikawa:** uhh  
[11:10] **Oikawa:** i dunno what if i remind him of his grandpa or smthn  
  
[11:10] **flan??:** does his grandfather have teeth?  
  
[11:10] **Oikawa:** i dont KNOW kuroo come on  
  
[11:11] **flan??:** ask him yourself you have his number  
  
[11:12] **Oikawa:** no i dont i deleted it  
[11:12] **Oikawa:** i couldnt think of a good contact name for him so i got upset and erased it (TдT)  
  
[11:12] **flan??:** just look at your message history lmfao  
  
[11:13] **Oikawa:** kuroo!!! why are u being so terrible  
[11:13] **Oikawa:** u touched my kneepads u owe me tbh  
[11:13] **Oikawa:** like more than this even but im willing to compromise  
  
[11:15] **flan??:** why do you think Ill be able to get him to do anything  
[11:15] **flan??:** my apology soup is good but akaashi is stubborn  
[11:16] **flan??:** like. wow  
[11:16] **flan??:** that man can hold a grudge  
  
[11:16] **Oikawa:** cant u just like ??? do a hair flippy thing and make some eyes at him or smthn and then whatever  
  
[11:17] **flan??:**???????  
[11:17] **flan??:** is that how you think relationships work holy shit  
[11:17] **flan??:** Im screenshotting this  
  
[11:18] **Oikawa:** i dont know i dont CARE  
[11:18] **Oikawa:** im rlly stressed abt this  
[11:19] **Oikawa:** his grandpas in a home what if he thinks im some kind of burden  
[11:19] **Oikawa:** i dont even rlly like tempura  
  
[11:19] **flan??:** oh my god he doesnt think of you as his grandfather  
[11:20] **flan??:** sometimes dreams are just dreams oikawa  
[11:20] **flan??:** last week I had a dream where kenma showed up at the apartment with two babies that he found in the street and we had to raise them  
[11:21] **flan??:** does that mean I want a kid? no  
[11:21] **flan??:** I would rather die  
  
[11:22] **Oikawa:** i mean thats u tho and this is him and im just  
[11:22] **Oikawa:** ugghg whatever dont ask him then  
[11:22] **Oikawa:** i hope u guys find 6 babies and they make u take care of all of them  
  
[11:25] **flan??:** jesus fuck dude  


* * *

  
[19:01] **sweaty feet:** Hi Oikawa-san! It's Kindaichi  
  
[19:03] **Oikawa:** lmfao why tf are u talking like i dont have ur number saved  
  
[19:03] **sweaty feet:** Sorry!  
[19:04] **sweaty feet:** I just wanted to check that it was still ok for Kunimi and me to stay with you this weekend  
[19:04] **sweaty feet:** I spoke to Iwaizumi-san about it yesterday, but I thought I would confirm with you too. We would never want to impose  
  
[19:05] **Oikawa:** well ive already lugged this pump for the air mattress up to our floor  
[19:05] **Oikawa:** and ill probs even make kuroo read the manual so we can figure out how to use it  
[19:05] **Oikawa:** we've committed  
[19:05] **Oikawa:** ur my ride or die now kindaichi u two better show up  
  
[19:06] **sweaty feet:** Oh please don't go to any lengths for us! We can just take an extra futon or something  
  
[19:06] **Oikawa:** do u think i own a futon???  
[19:06] **Oikawa:** i have to be sleeping at least 10cm off the floor or else i will die immediately  
[19:07] **Oikawa:** also what if ants crawl on me or smthn  
  
[19:07] **sweaty feet:** Thats  
[19:08] **sweaty feet:** Well that sure is scary  
  
[19:08] **Oikawa:** i dont fuck around!! u guys will have to share a bed but we're saving u from ant hell. be thankful  
[19:08] **Oikawa:** tell kunimi that were still on and i expect u two to have signs ready for the game or im kicking u out  
[19:09] **Oikawa:** also text me a list of what kind of snacks u guys like and ill make iwa-chan pick them up  
  
[19:09] **sweaty feet:** Thank you so much for this opportunity  


* * *

  
_Thursday_  
  
[2:56] **Bokuto:** tetsu bb  
[2:56] **Bokuto:** u awake?  
[2:56] **Bokuto:** if u rnt im srry for botherin u and ilu  
[2:57] **Bokuto:** i luv u if u r up 2 actually  
  
[2:58] **man of my dreams:** Im here whats up  
[2:58] **man of my dreams:** I love you too  
  
[2:59] **Bokuto:** tetsu babe im honestly so scared rn  
[2:59] **Bokuto:** keiji said theres probs a ghost livin in our aprtmnt  
  
[2:59] **man of my dreams:** bro  
  
[3:00] **Bokuto:** i cant handle that kinda responsibility!!  
  
[3:00] **man of my dreams:** do you have to raise the ghost  
  
[3:00] **Bokuto:** i dnt kno probs  
[3:00] **Bokuto:** cud be a bb ghost  
[3:01] **Bokuto:** dont ghosts like offerings or smthn  
[3:01] **Bokuto:** like food!!  
[3:01] **Bokuto:** oh god tetsu i cnt cook wut am i suppsd 2 do  
  
[3:02] **man of my dreams:** I mean yeah your cooking sucks but you can make a mean margarita  
[3:02] **man of my dreams:** maybe the ghost likes tequila  
  
[3:03] **Bokuto:** the ghst is gonna hate me  
[3:04] **Bokuto:** im gonna make it shitty bread n it will eat me insted n ill die  
  
[3:05] **man of my dreams:** thats alright I have a sickass eulogy prepared  
[3:06] **man of my dreams:** koutarou will be remembered for being unable to cook bread for shit and having a stellar ass  
[3:06] **man of my dreams:** seriously he was so hot its so sad that hes dead  
[3:06] **man of my dreams:** youre so buff bro  
  
[3:06] **Bokuto:** babe  
  
[3:06] **man of my dreams:** babe :)  
  
[3:07] **Bokuto:** i luv u so much  
[3:07] **Bokuto:** but also im seriously scared i think we r gonna hav 2 move out  
  
[3:07] **man of my dreams:** god Im gonna kick keijis ass hes starting problems  
  
[3:08] **Bokuto:** nooo i think hes right the door keeps openin by itself n his incense holder flew off the dresser  
[3:08] **Bokuto:** the ghosts mad man  
  
[3:08] **man of my dreams:** Ill kick oikawa out and you can just come live with me how about that  
[3:09] **man of my dreams:** remember he made us do that seance thing when we moved in and nothing happened  
[3:09] **man of my dreams:** Certified Ghost Free Zone  
  
[3:10] **Bokuto:** i dunno i still thnk i heard tht weird voice when we did that  
  
[3:10] **man of my dreams:** that was hanamakis stomach  
  
[3:10] **Bokuto:** hungry ghost then!!!  
[3:11] **Bokuto:** oh no now we hve the same problem as b4  
  
[3:11] **man of my dreams:** u think a ghost possessed hanamaki? to make him hungry?  
  
[3:11] **Bokuto:** ye  
  
[3:11] **man of my dreams:** thats dope as shit  
  
[3:12] **Bokuto:** yes! but still scary  
  
[3:12] **man of my dreams:** come visit me tomorrow night  
[3:12] **man of my dreams:** oikawa is having two old teammates of his come over to stay the weekend so we should roll in tomorrow with a ouija board  
[3:13] **man of my dreams:** start the weekend off right  
  
[3:13] **Bokuto:** omg y do u want these kids 2 die  
[3:13] **Bokuto:** ill come  
  
[3:14] **man of my dreams:** oikawa will probably cry itll be really good  
[3:14] **man of my dreams:** itll get him to stop overstressing for a bit at least  
[3:14] **man of my dreams:** hes been so weird lately  
  
[3:15] **Bokuto:** whatchu mean  
  
[3:15] **man of my dreams:** I dunno I guess he thinks iwaizumi thinks hes his grandpa or something?? he got all mad at me about it earlier  
  
[3:16] **Bokuto:** can u imagine oik w wrinkles  
  
[3:17] **man of my dreams:** no he will cryogenically freeze himself before that point  
[3:17] **man of my dreams:** who knows maybe its just pre-tourney stress and hell get his shit together once its passed  
  
[3:17] **Bokuto:** if u evr need a break we miss u n luv it when ur here  
  
[3:18] **man of my dreams:** tru  
[3:18] **man of my dreams:** are the other two asleep  
  
[3:18] **Bokuto:** keijis sleepin nxt 2 me which is y i ddnt call  
[3:19] **Bokuto:** miss ur voice  
[3:19] **Bokuto:** kenmas playin p5 in the livin room i thnk but i ddnt want 2 make him feel bad 4 not sleepin so i ddnt check  
[3:19] **Bokuto:** mb hes just snoozin on the couch  
  
[3:20] **man of my dreams:** probably not  
[3:20] **man of my dreams:** leave him be I guess but make sure he has breakfast in the morning before he leaves for class  
[3:21] **man of my dreams:** you should try to sleep now  
[3:21] **man of my dreams:** Ill see you tomorrow ;)  
  
[3:21] **Bokuto:** god i am SO EXCITED 2 get eatn by an actual ghst  
  
[3:21] **man of my dreams:** tbh same  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow! it's been a while! this chap was getting a little long so I decided to break it up into two. that means last chapters preview turned me into a liar :( trade off is the next chap will probs be out fairly fast  
> as usual, all mistakes are mine, but i had a couple friends look this over (thnx larissa and sophi). one of them has a rlly fun [bnha chatfic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11824404/chapters/26683083) going on that you should check out if you like teenage superheroes emotionally devastating each other! 
> 
> a few notes:  
> \- iwaizumi doesn't dream often but when he does someone is usually missing a body part  
> \- oikawa only washes his kneepads on the 13th day of each month because he's fucking gross and this is Sports Culture  
> \- kindaichi voice: texting STRESSES ME OUT  
> \- this chapter is called your heart is a muscle cuz bokuto is giving his heart a workout CONSTANTLY
> 
> up next: the boys?? talk to ghosts?? wow
> 
> remember, you can catch me @henrycheng on tumblr and @softgunch on twitter. hmu  
> i have a ton of fun writing this fic, but your comments make it even better! let me know what you guys think <3


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